Post-writing SDL Tasks

LO: Improve our sentences in our writing.

How am I learning it: By choosing sentences to change and improve using the matrix.

Why am I learning it: To engage better with the reader and make my writing more interesting. 

Deleting Words- 

Before: There wasn’t any visible fire ablaze, nor could he feel the immense burning sensation you would if you were near a fire.

After: There wasn’t any visible fire, nor could he feel any out-of-place heat.

Replacing Words-

Before: As the hunter stood beneath them, the chain gave way and with a loud crash, flattened them.

After: As the hunter stood below them, the cage fell with a crash.

Onomatopoeia-

Example 1: Floorboards leading up to the elevated deck groaned and cracked with each step they took.

Example 2: Then a tearing sound from the left side became audible.

Mood Setting-

- Its door had been slightly knocked off its hinges and had worn old cracks over its mossy texture.

- Around them lay endless rows of pine trees and damp overgrown grass was as tall as themselves.

- After coming across rows of pine trees and overgrown grass repeatedly, an opening cleared up.

5 Senses-

Smell: Fresh smoke lingered in the atmosphere.

Sight: He tilted his head up to the sky and past the silhouettes of overhead trees saw puffs of grey smoke.

Sound: Faint periodic bubbling travelled from a nearby swamp. 

What Happens Next?-

Just as he saw his life flash before his eyes, another hand gripped over his as he dipped below ground level. The boy glanced up and there laid the girl; holding him tightly with both hands. He dangled there for a couple of moments, staring back at the girl when all of a sudden, the grip loosened. The surroundings around him seemed to travel upwards as he fell into the mist below.